Humanitarian Cat For President!

As you would know by now, FortunePalace is the last place to find isssues of political ilk. Hell if if was up to me we'd all look to form a congress of primates and have them spin a big banana-wheel to make decisions.

However, given the structure we have I'm considering running for President. 'But Cat, we aren't a Republic.' True enough, but I really just want to have a cute secretary say 'But Mr President...' before every sentence. Moving on!

No-one enters the political arena without some quick vote-grabbing ideas, mud-slinging of opponents and a token nod towards humanitarian issues. I'll skip the first two and focus on what I think you (the voters) are really after.

Behold! FortuneCat's Plan for a Better World!

1) Gone will be the days of wrist stamps pass-outs at nightclubs. Each person will walk in, arms in the air. You'll get a custom-ink deodarant rolled-on under your pits and away you go. This will help combat the suffocating body odour that now assaults our airways as a result of the new anti-smoking laws.

Walk into a place, flash your scented pit and away you go. Available in UV-reactive for the ravers out there.

2) Ambient music in all toilets will be mandatory. Sitting in tense silence as your co-worker squeezes out the better part of a hot vindaloo is plain wrong. Same goes for hearing someone choke back on their vomit in a club, lest they puke up the E they swallowed. I think a little Enya could help us all here.

"Did you.. just lay cable?

3) Close-sitting on public transport will be a punishable offense. Thats right, all those losers with no friends/ways to meet new people, you cannot just sit *right next to someone* when there are plenty of more spacious seats available. And dont go spinning that 'I cant travel backwards' rhetoric either, creeps like you are plenty backwards already.

4) Dentists will be required to update their magazines. I haven't seen such a conscious decision of rich people not to spend money since Trump refused to upgrade his gerbil hair-piece. Imagine the awkward moments for parents when children ask why Diana is waving on the top of the Twin Towers in New York. Move with the times people, as we speak Angelina is adopting another poverty-stricken child to work in her soon-to-be-released Homewrecker line of lingerie, and we need to know about it.

With ideas like that and plenty more, how could you not Vote 1 -> FortuneCat.

The power is yours!